This blog has mainly focused on the happy aspects of my life. If you looked back at my posts you could easily conclude “this guy probably feels happy every damn day.” But like many people on social media, I’ve been mainly focusing on the highlights. The positive things.
I’ll come right out and say this. I suffer from some type of anxiety. Its something I’ve felt deep down for many years but have only come to realise in the last few years of my adult life.
I was walking home from the office today amid the usual throng of Central London commuters. It was the same crowd I’ve navigated thousands of times without a problem, yet today it got to me. I was on the verge of another episode.
I call it an episode because I don’t know how else to describe it. I’ve had these before and I can feel them coming. Worry, fear, irrational irritation, shortness of breath, increased heart rate… usually triggered by something minor rather than something major.
Today was different. I stopped at a pub called The Anchor – a pub I’ve passed many times. I decided that instead of rushing home in the usual London commuter rat race, I would get a beer, sit by the river Thames and look out at the city bathed in sunshine.
As I sat there with my eyes closed, sipping on my beer, breathing in and out, I heard a busker start playing Lean On Me. It was a slow acoustic version full of heart and feeling. Afterwards came No Woman No Cry, with that one lyric repeating over and over…
“Everything’s gonna be all right. Everything’s gonna be all right.”
I sat there for 20 minutes listening to him play while a gentle breeze blew over me. By the time I’d finished my beer, I realised the episode was over before it had even started.
I walked over to the busker, dropped some change in his guitar case, and said the following.
“Hi. This might sound weird because you have no idea who I am. But I was having a shitty episode about 20 minutes ago and you fixed me. So thank you.”
Then I shook his hand and walked off.
Maybe he thinks I’m a weirdo. I don’t know. He seemed to be grateful for the comment. Anyway, he has my thanks whoever he is.
I have so much to be grateful for and my stupid mind forgets it far too often, creating reasons why I should be unhappy. I’m seeking help for these episodes I experience. In the meantime, I’m taking life one day at a time.
If you’ve read this far, then thank you… truly. Deep down, this was the main reason I started writing this blog. It just took me a long time to get here.
Until next time, folks 🙂